Chaos engenders a multitude of things: darkness, disorder, unknown boundaries. A spark in the woods where wilderness is always. There is something to be said of this origin from which we all come from; though cataloged by imaginary lines drawn in the earth, deep down, we know there really is no such thing as a border.
During yesterday’s Full Moon in Taurus, planet that governs the physical, I could sense the dance of molecules on my skin–the largest of all bodily organs ruled by the respiratory system. Breathing deeply at this moment is intuitive, so I do what comes natural. In and out gases quickly exchange, as the sun in Scorpio compliments this earthly energy; a final water before the grand consolidation of solstice.
I look outside a large window in my small apartment noticing that the land is mostly dry after an evening rain. It occurs to me that this view will soon change. In a month time, the place I’ve called home for four years will no longer be what I awake to each day. This light brown carpet that has come to comfort me will be torn up to make way for laminate wood flooring. The wall color, an oddly muted shade of terra-cotta, will shift to light grey. The home we’ve made out of tangible and intangible things like fabric, plants, and intention, will be put away in boxes. There will be a fair amount of letting go, sorting to be done between designated piles, “donate”, “keep”, “gift”. I’ve been here so many times before, and I know that experience can ease the awkward pain that comes with transition. I admit my intimidation this time around. The process of moving always proves that it is possible to be clear and confused about something at the same time.
When faced with the chaotic hum that often becomes more distinct when making big life transitions I find some reprieve in listening more deeply. To turn my senses in and toward, instead of out and away from the sound of change. When I do, all sorts of guidance finds me from diverse sources. Recently, I’ve found comfort in the following. Perhaps you’ll find something you need here, too.
Season 2 of the Fortification Podcast hosted by Caitlin Breedlove.
Joan Didion documentary available on Netflix.
PBS American Masters documentary series celebrating Maya Angelou.
A panel discussion with Tara Houska, Alicia Garza, Jidan Koon-Terry.
Chani Nicholas’ astro-offering for the November 2017 Full Moon in Taurus.
Credits // Model pictured: Dysha Waites